The weekend

Not too much job searching to be done over the weekend. I did look into social work and chaplaincy opportunities at the local hospital and found no openings so I did do something.

I sat last night and really felt odd. I mean, here it was a Saturday night and I didn't even know what the lectionary was! For the last years some part of my brain was occupied with thoughts of the sermon I had to deliver the next day.. I suppose in some ways it was a relief, but I still felt odd. I am going to have to find some Bible study around here to keep my head in the Word. I can see where this would be too easy to let slide.

I'm going to two worship services today so Fran can "show me off" to the church. I have a new understanding and compassion for clergy spouses (@Tim Graves). I'm not looking forward to this, but it's got to be done. I feel like I'm going to be on display and not having a job makes it even more uncomfortable. I don't know what I thought this would feel like, but it's not good.

Well, tomorrow I hope to hear from a local Christian based counciling firm and I'm gonna talk to the local hospital. I really don't see much possibility of going back into paid church work right now. That makes me sadder than I thought it would. There just aren't any calls available in this area so I guess I need to evaluate how much I want to work as a pastor.

So where is God in all this? Is this a test? I never really thought God worked that way. Is this a way of telling me to get out of ministry? I thought I did a good job and others said the same, but... I sure hope worship is good 'cause I don't feel too good inside and welcome that reconnection with God.