What the heck is going on with the PC(USA)?

Most people who follow this blog know that I'm a Presbyterian, a PC(USA) Presbyterian.  I do my share of complaining about the denomination and our crazy systems, but, on the whole, I think it best fits with my theology and sense of ecclesial polity (church politics).  So, I'm most comfortable with this denomination and think it has a lot going for it.

PC(USA) Headquarters

That being said, imagine my surprise when I read this blog post that details the proposed changes by the Board of Pensions in the next year.  I'll let you read it for yourself, but basically the BoP is talking about penalizing smaller churches and pastors who make less than 100K.  If this proposed change happened today it would have disastrous effects on our household since only one of us is employed.  This proposal is unfair, backward thinking and not in keeping with the ethics espoused by the denomination.

I think it's safe to say that every mainline denomination is struggling with finances and membership and they have been fighting those battles for many years with little success.  The struggle can be summed up as the difficulty letting go of what we have always done and trying new things.  In the last years I have served the church in a variety of roles and it is my belief that the denomination can only be rejuvenated with small churches, NCD's and innovative worshiping communities.  The proposed actions by the BoP do exactly the opposite and favor the powers that be-what we've always done.

Fear based decision making is always inferior to that based on a faith in the future.  While I disagree with Michael Jenkins' conclusions in his blog, I think the premise that society wants religion which is relevant is right on target.  There is a need for the church and we can be socially relevant, but getting to that point requires that we step out on faith, let go of some of our age-old assumptions and be willing to work.  There are enough challenges to the church of the 21st century and those who serve her to create even more. obstacles.

 Busy, Busy

 I am so busy.  I am doing substitute teaching because I have to make money, but I'm also working with this church in Elkhart and would like to spend more time there.  I'm picking up funeral gigs on the side when I can to make a little money doing that and I'm still trying to learn guitar.  Not to mention I'm trying to support my wife with her church as much as I can.  I'm still active doing stuff in South Bend-TAP just won't go away.  I'm active in a lot of spheres.

 Ade Seven Adebanji

I find that I like all this stuff I'm doing.  I complain about the teaching, but I get to meet some really cool kids.  I'm called to pastoring so I love the church stuff and doing funerals is sort of kind of involved in that.  I'm busy and that's good.  What isn't good is that I feel like I could do more and be more effective if I wasn't shuffling between so many things.

I have found that this developing call in Elkhart is a really fun thing and I like all the people I'm working with.  The difficulty is that it just isn't paying me and there's no room for me at this point.  It's hard being patient and moving slowly into what I would like to jump into.  I try to think of Biblical parallels, but I come up short.  I don't know about the minor prophets, but most of the call stories are about moving right into the job-think about Samuel or Isaiah or Moses.  I guess I need to rely on Proverbs and the advice to trust in the Lord.

I am learning a lot and the experiences have been good for me.  What I strive to do is live each day and get the most out of it, rather than looking only to what's going to develop in Elkhart.  I think, on the whole, that is the stance to use to encounter life.  If we focus on what's right in front of us we are fully present in the moment, making the most of that bit of life the Lord gives us.

Week Off

It was really great to spend Sunday napping after church.  Last week was the last week of camp and I didn't have to drive to Rochester.  Truly a bittersweet time-two strong feelings: good to be done but regretting the loss.  Thrown together like that relationships form with incredible speed.  Oh well, I count that as an experience and a good one.  I needed the time away and it was good to sink into some spiritual practices.

Since I've been home I've discovered Spotify, which puts Pandora to shame.  I got to mow yesterday with our new riding mower and I'm getting to spend time with Fran and Ross.  This is making for some enjoyable times, but there have been some disturbing things.

I had been leading a contemporary/emergent service at Niles and the question of continuing that service was presented to the Worship Committee.  I didn't attend that meeting because I don't feel like I have standing to speak as a non-member of the church and a pastor member of a different presbytery.  In any event, Fran informed me that there was quite a bit of debate about who would do the service and when it was to happen.  Also, it seems that the committee chair has the intention of advertising for my replacement as soon as I get the service a little more self-sufficient.  All of this is really disturbing to me and I'm not sure how to react.  I don't guess there are Biblical precedents for this sort of thing.

So, what do I do?  I really love leading worship, but I feel hampered by the thought that I am being replaced as soon as they can find someone.  I think that is doing a dis-service to the congregation or that community of worship.  I also don't want to emotionally invest myself in this and then have to leave, which is too painfully similar to what happened at Bethlehem.  It seems to me that I cannot continue leading that service knowing that I will be replaced as soon as they can find someone.  I hate this position, but it seems like the best in the long run for both me and the worshiping community.

The weekend

Not too much job searching to be done over the weekend. I did look into social work and chaplaincy opportunities at the local hospital and found no openings so I did do something.

I sat last night and really felt odd. I mean, here it was a Saturday night and I didn't even know what the lectionary was! For the last years some part of my brain was occupied with thoughts of the sermon I had to deliver the next day.. I suppose in some ways it was a relief, but I still felt odd. I am going to have to find some Bible study around here to keep my head in the Word. I can see where this would be too easy to let slide.

I'm going to two worship services today so Fran can "show me off" to the church. I have a new understanding and compassion for clergy spouses (@Tim Graves). I'm not looking forward to this, but it's got to be done. I feel like I'm going to be on display and not having a job makes it even more uncomfortable. I don't know what I thought this would feel like, but it's not good.

Well, tomorrow I hope to hear from a local Christian based counciling firm and I'm gonna talk to the local hospital. I really don't see much possibility of going back into paid church work right now. That makes me sadder than I thought it would. There just aren't any calls available in this area so I guess I need to evaluate how much I want to work as a pastor.

So where is God in all this? Is this a test? I never really thought God worked that way. Is this a way of telling me to get out of ministry? I thought I did a good job and others said the same, but... I sure hope worship is good 'cause I don't feel too good inside and welcome that reconnection with God.