I think the last I wrote was that I have a job. I'm back doing therapy, which will keep the wolves from the door. This is being a huge change for me. When I was serving the church I was obsessed-thinking 'bout folks all the time, praying for them, intimately involved in their lives. And then there was prep for Sunday morning. Being a called clergy is utterly consuming.
This job isn't so. I work 9-5 (No evenings! Can you believe it?) and that's it. There's someone else to take on call. I can just shut it off. It is really awesome to have a weekend to relax.
On the other side of the coin, this position is completely atheistic which is to say that there is no place for Christ without equal billing for Y***** or Allah or Buddah. So, I feel like there's no place for the sacred. Might just be me, but it feels like somethings missing and I wonder how long I'll feel this way-if it's just an aftereffect of being a clergy for so many years.
I am also disturbed by what I interpret as a mishandling of cases. We are assigned an enormous number of cases and I have trouble seeing how there can be quality treatment. I know there is a huge demand for service and we are meeting a need, but... I don't know. I need to think about this. Also, I speak as if I have so much knowledge when in reality I just started.
I don't know where God is in all this mishmash. My wife seems to think that God has me here for a season to rest from being clergy. That might well be true as I am gaining appreciation for how hard I worked! I feel God's absence strongly, though, and I don't know what to do to correct that. This is a struggle.
Showing posts with label job. Show all posts
Showing posts with label job. Show all posts
Monday, June 21, 2010
Wednesday, June 9, 2010
a job, a job
Ok, it's been a whirlwind, but I had a second interview friday last week. Then I got a call Fri. afternoon offering me the job. Wow! Going back to doing social work, not my first choice, but it's a job and pays the bills while I look for a call.
I do have some pulpit supply gigs, but not real action on a call. I suppose I shouldn't be suprised, but I keep looking.
With income I feel a lot more free to be choosy about the call I would accept. With income I am also more willing to consider a church plant or new church development. I feel like I don't have the connections here yet to do a plant. I don't know people who are disaffected or uninvolved with a church to get together. I think if I knew one or two people I could do this, but the problem is meeting them.
There are plenty of places where a group could meet. I can preach, but still need a musician as my guitar isn't progressing as quickly as I hoped.
Perhaps this is God at work, providing a little income so I can slow my roll enough to look at other options. I miss having my support group to bounce ideas off. I miss people a lot more than I thought I would.
I do have some pulpit supply gigs, but not real action on a call. I suppose I shouldn't be suprised, but I keep looking.
With income I feel a lot more free to be choosy about the call I would accept. With income I am also more willing to consider a church plant or new church development. I feel like I don't have the connections here yet to do a plant. I don't know people who are disaffected or uninvolved with a church to get together. I think if I knew one or two people I could do this, but the problem is meeting them.
There are plenty of places where a group could meet. I can preach, but still need a musician as my guitar isn't progressing as quickly as I hoped.
Perhaps this is God at work, providing a little income so I can slow my roll enough to look at other options. I miss having my support group to bounce ideas off. I miss people a lot more than I thought I would.
Sunday, May 9, 2010
The weekend
Not too much job searching to be done over the weekend. I did look into social work and chaplaincy opportunities at the local hospital and found no openings so I did do something.
I sat last night and really felt odd. I mean, here it was a Saturday night and I didn't even know what the lectionary was! For the last years some part of my brain was occupied with thoughts of the sermon I had to deliver the next day.. I suppose in some ways it was a relief, but I still felt odd. I am going to have to find some Bible study around here to keep my head in the Word. I can see where this would be too easy to let slide.
I'm going to two worship services today so Fran can "show me off" to the church. I have a new understanding and compassion for clergy spouses (@Tim Graves). I'm not looking forward to this, but it's got to be done. I feel like I'm going to be on display and not having a job makes it even more uncomfortable. I don't know what I thought this would feel like, but it's not good.
Well, tomorrow I hope to hear from a local Christian based counciling firm and I'm gonna talk to the local hospital. I really don't see much possibility of going back into paid church work right now. That makes me sadder than I thought it would. There just aren't any calls available in this area so I guess I need to evaluate how much I want to work as a pastor.
So where is God in all this? Is this a test? I never really thought God worked that way. Is this a way of telling me to get out of ministry? I thought I did a good job and others said the same, but... I sure hope worship is good 'cause I don't feel too good inside and welcome that reconnection with God.
I sat last night and really felt odd. I mean, here it was a Saturday night and I didn't even know what the lectionary was! For the last years some part of my brain was occupied with thoughts of the sermon I had to deliver the next day.. I suppose in some ways it was a relief, but I still felt odd. I am going to have to find some Bible study around here to keep my head in the Word. I can see where this would be too easy to let slide.
I'm going to two worship services today so Fran can "show me off" to the church. I have a new understanding and compassion for clergy spouses (@Tim Graves). I'm not looking forward to this, but it's got to be done. I feel like I'm going to be on display and not having a job makes it even more uncomfortable. I don't know what I thought this would feel like, but it's not good.
Well, tomorrow I hope to hear from a local Christian based counciling firm and I'm gonna talk to the local hospital. I really don't see much possibility of going back into paid church work right now. That makes me sadder than I thought it would. There just aren't any calls available in this area so I guess I need to evaluate how much I want to work as a pastor.
So where is God in all this? Is this a test? I never really thought God worked that way. Is this a way of telling me to get out of ministry? I thought I did a good job and others said the same, but... I sure hope worship is good 'cause I don't feel too good inside and welcome that reconnection with God.
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