I haven't blogged for some time. Reason being that this job of mine just eats up my hours. This doesn't seem right and something needs to change. I think no only about myself, but what about the others I work with who have been keeping up this pace for years. Not only is it hard to give the clients the time they need, but there are some huge issues of self-care involved. I don't really want to be a thorn in someone's side, but this just isn't right and someone needs to say something.
the search for a call continues...and continues...and continues. I am somewhat restricted geographically now so I can realistically only consider a few churches. In that limited pool there are very few open pulpits so I continue.
I went to Granger Community Church and it appeals to me in a lot of ways. I don't think I will make that my church of choice, but the music is inspiring. If I could find that in a smaller, much smaller, venue I would be in heaven. When I think about it, that's what I want to create. Thing is, in Niles I just don't have the connections or acquaintances to do that. I did volunteer to take on an emergent type service at the Presbyterian starting this fall so that's something.
Sunday, July 25, 2010
Wednesday, July 7, 2010
dissatisfaction
I felt the need to blog today. This need was inspired by an emotion that I struggle to put a name to and settled for dissatisfaction. I am not feeling fulfilled and would like to change that situation, but I just don't know how. I think part of this is the lack of a vision-I don't have a vision or goal and so I feel like I'm just treading water. I guess that's it...I'm just waiting.
I wrote a few posts ago about the Israelites in the desert. Well, at least they were moving while I feel stuck. I think I should find a new spiritual discipline or invest more effort in the ones I practice, but I don't feel directed to any of those. I worked with a spiritual director some years ago and she would always ask where God was in all of this which leads me to another odd sense.
I don't feel God is absent. I feel as if God is present and with me,but just not active. I don't know if that makes sense theologically and I would like to have someone weigh in on that. I don't want to compare myself to Job because I'm certainly not suffering like that, but I can relate to the sense of disconnection that he describes and all I can say is that it sucks!
This time is not being a good one for me. I suppose part of it is my own fault for not participating in the larger church by its expectations. I have eschewed (fancy word) all that stuff that the larger church promotes like networking and making those connections with GA people and all that. I guess I'm paying the price for that now.
I wrote a few posts ago about the Israelites in the desert. Well, at least they were moving while I feel stuck. I think I should find a new spiritual discipline or invest more effort in the ones I practice, but I don't feel directed to any of those. I worked with a spiritual director some years ago and she would always ask where God was in all of this which leads me to another odd sense.
I don't feel God is absent. I feel as if God is present and with me,but just not active. I don't know if that makes sense theologically and I would like to have someone weigh in on that. I don't want to compare myself to Job because I'm certainly not suffering like that, but I can relate to the sense of disconnection that he describes and all I can say is that it sucks!
This time is not being a good one for me. I suppose part of it is my own fault for not participating in the larger church by its expectations. I have eschewed (fancy word) all that stuff that the larger church promotes like networking and making those connections with GA people and all that. I guess I'm paying the price for that now.
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