dissatisfaction

I felt the need to blog today. This need was inspired by an emotion that I struggle to put a name to and settled for dissatisfaction. I am not feeling fulfilled and would like to change that situation, but I just don't know how. I think part of this is the lack of a vision-I don't have a vision or goal and so I feel like I'm just treading water. I guess that's it...I'm just waiting.

I wrote a few posts ago about the Israelites in the desert. Well, at least they were moving while I feel stuck. I think I should find a new spiritual discipline or invest more effort in the ones I practice, but I don't feel directed to any of those. I worked with a spiritual director some years ago and she would always ask where God was in all of this which leads me to another odd sense.

I don't feel God is absent. I feel as if God is present and with me,but just not active. I don't know if that makes sense theologically and I would like to have someone weigh in on that. I don't want to compare myself to Job because I'm certainly not suffering like that, but I can relate to the sense of disconnection that he describes and all I can say is that it sucks!

This time is not being a good one for me. I suppose part of it is my own fault for not participating in the larger church by its expectations. I have eschewed (fancy word) all that stuff that the larger church promotes like networking and making those connections with GA people and all that. I guess I'm paying the price for that now.