A Christmas memory

Merry Christmas to all.  What a wonderful gift to have a life blessed with folks like Todd and Matt, Mary and Nan, Jill and Doni, Jim and Steve-the list is endless.  I am so happy to be involved with a worshiping community and it is even better that it's a group like the folks in Elkhart who have modeled hospitality and welcome to me.

Like most folks, we had a wonderful worship last night.

Of course, there was a great bunch of people who were visiting from out of town and the group of folks who are occasional attendees, but the best encounter I had was with a woman who is 103 years old.  This centenarian made a point to approach me after the service.  "I've never been to a contemporary service," she said, "but I loved it!  I'm coming back."  What a wonderful encounter.

Even though it would be great to add her as a Bridge regular, the most fulfilling element is that somehow, some way God used our worship to touch someone.  All too easily pride and ego intrude in our service to God so that it becomes service of the self.  Our joy needs to be found in the God's redemptive use of us, broken vessels that we are.  Humility need be the foundation of true service, but enough preaching.

I hope and pray  that I have been directed to a situation in which I can use my gifts to please God.  Actually, any situation we are in is an opportunity to use our gifts to please God.  As we enter into the year ahead I pray that we all look at how we can use our gifts where we are and focus on being the presence of God here rather than how much better it could be someplace else.

 Busy, Busy

 I am so busy.  I am doing substitute teaching because I have to make money, but I'm also working with this church in Elkhart and would like to spend more time there.  I'm picking up funeral gigs on the side when I can to make a little money doing that and I'm still trying to learn guitar.  Not to mention I'm trying to support my wife with her church as much as I can.  I'm still active doing stuff in South Bend-TAP just won't go away.  I'm active in a lot of spheres.

 Ade Seven Adebanji

I find that I like all this stuff I'm doing.  I complain about the teaching, but I get to meet some really cool kids.  I'm called to pastoring so I love the church stuff and doing funerals is sort of kind of involved in that.  I'm busy and that's good.  What isn't good is that I feel like I could do more and be more effective if I wasn't shuffling between so many things.

I have found that this developing call in Elkhart is a really fun thing and I like all the people I'm working with.  The difficulty is that it just isn't paying me and there's no room for me at this point.  It's hard being patient and moving slowly into what I would like to jump into.  I try to think of Biblical parallels, but I come up short.  I don't know about the minor prophets, but most of the call stories are about moving right into the job-think about Samuel or Isaiah or Moses.  I guess I need to rely on Proverbs and the advice to trust in the Lord.

I am learning a lot and the experiences have been good for me.  What I strive to do is live each day and get the most out of it, rather than looking only to what's going to develop in Elkhart.  I think, on the whole, that is the stance to use to encounter life.  If we focus on what's right in front of us we are fully present in the moment, making the most of that bit of life the Lord gives us.

Four Weeks of Need

Advent is a crazy time.  For whatever reason, people are drawn to the church during the weeks leading up to Christmas.  Advent becomes a hurried time with so much going on, and the pressure of crafting worship that is especially welcoming and inclusive weighs on us.  At this time of year we are all, even pastors, caught up in our own stuff to the point that we worry less about others.  We  often forget, though, that this time of year is not a Hallmark experience for everyone.

For a lot of people, the Christmas holidays are a time of darkness, loneliness and pain.  The church tries to speak to this situation with longest night services, but we need to do more.  As brothers and sisters in Christ, we heed to hold tight to others during this time.  Advent can and should be a time in which we practice hospitality and caring for others.  This is an especially hard time for those who have been estranged from the worshiping community and it is incumbent on us to open our doors, arms and hearts even wider at this time of year.

I know this is a time of year when we feel entitled to focus on ourselves and our family.  I don't want to take away from that focus, but we also need to be mindful of those who don't have family, who are estranged from friends.  This is a time of year that is filled with demands on our time and energy, but we are called to care for others-that's why Christ came.

Discoveries and the Black Hole

Since coming to Michigan I have been blessed with a variety of experiences.  I've done a little therapy and looked into starting another private practice.  I got to birth a contemporary service/worshiping community.  I got to direct a summer camp...twice.  I got to create and do a community ministry.  And now I'm leading worship as well as substitute teaching.  This variety is a blessing and expands me as a person (if not my bank account).

I was struck by a tweet I read last week.  If we are focused on the life we want but don't have, we miss out on what we do have.  All too often I bemoan the fact that I don't have a more permanent call.  I surely worry and complain about not having a larger income. I want an iPad and a new car.  There is a lot I lack and, truth be told, I can fall into that trap of coveting those things that I think will make me complete.  My experience is that it's more than a trap-it's a black hole.  Once we start down that path of regret and longing it's hard not to get sucked further and further into depressing self-pity.

It is so easy to neglect the life I do have.  Because they're always around it's easy to give short shrift to my wife and son (plus the other kids), not to mention my dog.  What a blessing to have these people in my life.  I have to remind myself that I'm lucky to have substituting jobs-some people have no work and no income.  In spite of not having a more solid call to a church, I have had some wonderful experiences doing "alternative" church work.  I met and worked with some awesome people in all of these adventures.  This life I have is pretty great.

When we're in a less than optimal circumstance we discover things about ourselves.  We are more open and searching for that "still, small voice".  We identify gifts and strengths that surprise us when we are outside our comfort zone.  Furthermore, we discover different perspectives on life and gain an appreciation for people with whom we might never interact.  These discoveries make us better people.  These discoveries help us better serve God and others.

Big Stuff

As I look back on the last few months it occurs to me how blessed I have been.  Of course, money has been tight and the family has had to struggle some to make ends meet, but it hasn't been horrible.  On the plus side has been the experience I'm accumulating.  I have learned, first hand, what the job market is like.  I am able to continue work in the far northwest community of South Bend.  As a substitute teacher I have the opportunity to enter into the school system here in Niles from which I gained an incredible esteem for our teachers.  I get to keep up my preaching skills by working as an itinerate preacher and this week I was privileged to officiate a funeral for a man I never knew.  Great experiences!

I have not been as committed to writing during this time as I would have liked.  All of these experiences, especially my community work in South Bend, can provide some guidance to clergy.  I just need to commit to writing it. That's the next goal.

The big stuff that is going on just hit me this past week.  I'm going to be responsible (with help) for a worshiping community in Elkhart.  What I think most people overlook is that each day we take on these huge responsibilities.  I am taking official leadership of a group, but each day we have the responsibility to be Christian leaders.  Every interaction that we have provides an opening into the life of another person and we can facilitate God's passage through that opening.

It's awe-inspiring to consider that God has appointed you to be an emmisary to the world, to those with whom you come in contact.  Your words and actions have the potential to bring life and light into the world.  From this perspective, every day is an awesome chance to do that big stuff.  Every day is a kingdom building victory and opportunity to do what God would have you do.  That's big stuff.

Keeping things straight

The last few weeks have been pretty crazy.  I've been preaching a lot of places so I have to deal with different orders of worship and different worship styles about every other week.  I'm also working on finishing up some INSPIRE Grant stuff in South Bend and TAP is also requiring time from me.  Finally, there is the substitute teaching.  Taken all together, this is a good bunch of work and it's hard to keep it all straight.  In fact, I was just thinking that I didn't have a demanding afternoon so I could take a nap...until it occurred to me that I have to do an order of worship for this Sunday and there's the paperwork for the NRC. 

For me, when there are demands like this that are sort of scattered I find it hard to maintain my spiritual disciplines.  I find that I am doing a lot more praying in the car and, while I know God hears those prayers, I also know my attention is divided.  So, I'm not praying like I should be.  I hadn't spoken to Chuck for several weeks and I finally called him last night to keep him up to date on my life so he can be supportive.  I am doing my little Bible study every morning, but that is so little that I hardly count it as a discipline.  It's not healthy to get caught up doing all these things and putting all these concerns first before my relationship with God, but it's something we all do.  Honestly.  We all struggle with the routine of spiritual discipline and usually give it short shrift. 

I have found that there are an awful lot of opportunities to do ministry.  I could easily fill my day with doing ministry work.  I think this is what Luther had in mind when he wrote about how people are called to a vocation and in the midst of that vocation we proclaim the risen Lord.  Just in the process of living life in community we are surrounded by the neighbors we are to love.  The pity is when that opportunity is allowed to pass.  The shame is when we don't use our God-given gifts to build God's kingdom.  We are the poorer when we fail to grasp what's right in front of us.  I wonder what the world would look like if we tried to live by Jesus' model.

Woody Allen and Teaching

It's unclear if it was George Bernard Shaw or Woody Allen who lent fame to the saying "Those who can, do; those who can't , teach."  All I know is that it is untrue.  I substituted twice this past week for elementary school teachers and found that teaching in the public schools is a skill in its own right.  I don't know why I thought this would be easy money.

Teaching is hard work.  I had over 25 students in each of the classes I substituted and the third grade had a huge amount of work that we had to go through.  Very few kids were able to complete all the assignments.  When I taught the first graders there was less work to do, but it was still a challenge keeping them on task all day.  Don't get me wrong-the kids were great and I loved them.  In fact, I felt bad not being able to spend the time with them individually as we worked through material.  Some of them just needed some personal attention and they would flourish, but there is simply no time for individual attention.  Also, when one child gets that attention there are suddenly five more standing there looking for that their time.

I was driving to school Friday when I started thinking about how much money I was making.  I had to be at school at 8 and, although class was over at 3:40, after cleaning the room and writing a note to the teacher I wouldn't get out of there until 4.  OK, that's 8 hours and I am paid $80 for a day of subbing.  You do the math.  It's just not fair and I know regular teachers don't make scads more than I am for subbing.  This is not easy money and subs don't even get the perks of seeing kids achieve since you're only there for a day.

My appreciation for teachers has increased exponentially, along with my regret for all the subs I tormented.  I know that God is using this experience and I am learning.  I'm ready to get back to the parish, though.

Back on the journey

I thought I was done with this blog.  I thought that I had a call that was going to last.  I thought I found my niche.  I was wrong.

After a year working in the far northwest side community of South Bend my contract was not renewed.  Both of the churches I was working with thought that I did good work and it was mission/ministry that spoke to their mission, but funding that work was a different issue.  It seems like the administrative hurdles worked against continuing with that ministry.  I have found that God somehow works through the Presbyterian call process so I have to believe that God is working in this process.  God does not want to use me to extend what I have done in South Bend.

Three other congregations have expressed an interest in what I might do with them.  I interviewed with two and the third is dealing with administrative stuff.  I want to get back in the church and I felt most called to the work in the Elkhart church.  This situation is certainly unorthodox as I am starting at 1/4 time and working my way into what I hope will become a called position, but it's not the way things are usually done. 

My journey continues to be unorthodox as well-I'm now an approved substitute teacher in MI and I'll start picking up sub gigs in the near future.  I never thought I would be substitute teaching, but we have bills to pay.  It should be exciting and I look forward to this new adventure.

I haven't blogged on this blog for over a year because I thought the journey was complete, but that isn't to be.  My plan is to continue this journey blog complete with stories of work that I continue in South Bend and the inclusion of my new ventures in the school system and at various churches.

Finally, I'm not getting a motorcycle.  Some sadness, but I know Fran will be pleased.