I think the last I wrote was that I have a job. I'm back doing therapy, which will keep the wolves from the door. This is being a huge change for me. When I was serving the church I was obsessed-thinking 'bout folks all the time, praying for them, intimately involved in their lives. And then there was prep for Sunday morning. Being a called clergy is utterly consuming.
This job isn't so. I work 9-5 (No evenings! Can you believe it?) and that's it. There's someone else to take on call. I can just shut it off. It is really awesome to have a weekend to relax.
On the other side of the coin, this position is completely atheistic which is to say that there is no place for Christ without equal billing for Y***** or Allah or Buddah. So, I feel like there's no place for the sacred. Might just be me, but it feels like somethings missing and I wonder how long I'll feel this way-if it's just an aftereffect of being a clergy for so many years.
I am also disturbed by what I interpret as a mishandling of cases. We are assigned an enormous number of cases and I have trouble seeing how there can be quality treatment. I know there is a huge demand for service and we are meeting a need, but... I don't know. I need to think about this. Also, I speak as if I have so much knowledge when in reality I just started.
I don't know where God is in all this mishmash. My wife seems to think that God has me here for a season to rest from being clergy. That might well be true as I am gaining appreciation for how hard I worked! I feel God's absence strongly, though, and I don't know what to do to correct that. This is a struggle.
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